Ten Lessons I Have Learned In My Mid-Twenties That Have Changed My Outlook On Life – Part III

I began writing this blog as just one single post however, after a week I had only managed to get about halfway through it. I realised that it was already becoming a ridiculously long blog so as a result, I decided that I would develop it into a ten-part series. I wanted to share some things I have learned over the last couple of years that have changed the way I think and feel about the world around me.

Lesson Three:

It is great to have confidence, but too much can be a big problem 

It is no secret that a confident person has an alluring energy that is able to light up a room and sometimes they seem to attract people to them like a moth to a flame. One thing that is undeniably draining though, is when someone tries to mask their insecurities by over compensating with confidence. For example, some people seem to constantly rely on putting another person down or making jokes at the expense of others as they seem to think this display of “confidence” will make themselves seem better.

In my previous post I mentioned people who regularly state that they don’t care what people think and I find this type of person to be the perfect example of someone who is overcompensating their confidence. If this person was completely confident, they would not feel the need to make sure everyone knew them by this persona that they are trying to portray.

It is also very evident that a person is insecure when they always have something to say or always have a reply to anything said to them, regardless of whether a reply was even warranted in the first place. While they may think that they are coming across as knowledgeable or helpful, it can usually just seem arrogant and condescending which is incredibly frustrating for the other people involved, especially if they were just looking for someone to lend a listening ear and instead received a know-it-all mouth.

When someone cannot accept another’s differing opinion, admit they are wrong or even apologise for having wronged someone, this can be taken the wrong way a lot of the time. A lot of people who encounter someone like this will think that this person thinks too highly of them self or not enough of the person that they are conversing with. While this may be true in some cases, the person is usually just trying to save them self from looking stupid, not realising that they are doing just that.

I struggle with this one a lot, I find it very hard to admit when I’m wrong because I don’t like feeling stupid but when I find myself in a situation where someone else can’t admit they are wrong I also fail to realise why and automatically assume that they just think less of me than they do of themselves. I find this to be a terribly hypocritical flaw of mine and one I am working super hard to squash but I have seen big improvements after making a conscious effort to admit when I am wrong and also be understanding of others when they struggle to do so.

It is not hard to see why a lot of people place a big importance on showing confidence, especially considering how obvious it can be when someone is constantly highlighting their insecurities and seeking attention in order to cover up their general lack of confidence. This is possibly why many fail to recognise and acknowledge the fact that too much confidence is equally just as bad as not having enough confidence. A truly confident person is able to find a balance, they will back themselves when they need to but will also be humble and display the ability to accept their flaws.

Being able to embrace your insecurities as something that doesn’t need to be hidden so desperately is true confidence and understanding that everyone has them (despite what they might say) is the first step to achieving this. Sometimes it is important to stay quiet and keep certain comments to yourself and a truly confident person will demonstrate this and show good listening skills when needed.

I wish that a lot more people would realise that this growing mentality of ‘fake it till you make it’ is doing nothing to help anyone at all.

“Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud.” – Mario Puzo

-Kels xo.

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